Saturday, April 18, 2009

Haunted

Work has been pretty insane for the last three weeks. I start at 6am and I've been finishing my day around 11-11:30pm. And this hasn't been running at a casual (or even comfortable) pace. It has been balls to the wall, no bathroom break until 3:30pm, trying to carry on two ichats, two skypes and one conference call (where everyone is speaking english but it is everyone's second language except mine) all at the same time, flat out running like a hurd of hungry lions is chasing you kind of pace. And because of this (I think) I haven't been sleeping more than three hours a night. I pass out, something wakes me up and my mind starts racing and that's that. End of story. I'm awake. I've tried various things to get my mind off of everything that I need to do, but they haven't been working. So, the other night, when I found myself awake at 3am, I thought I'd explore a few new mommy blogs. Cute pictures and funny ancedotes sometimes take my mind off of things.

I stumbled across this and this. I can't fathom it. I cried and cried. I still catch myself thinking about them and I start to cry again. The thing that really hit me, was if you track back only a few days before, there are pictures of smiling happy children and funny stories. Both of these horrible, horrible things happened suddenly. One last week and one the week before.

Any mommy who blogs knows that our computers are full of photos and movies. As I would scroll through files for work, I would hit upon a picture of Dash and think what if something had happened to him and here was this picture. One day here and the next, gone. But you have these photos, and movies, and this stuff. All the trappings that made up a life. A life that included a child. How can you wrap your head around the fact that you will never hear your child babble again, or smile when they see you, or be able hold them close and feel their soft breathe on your neck as you comfort them to sleep? I can't imagine what these parents are going through. It is beyond words. My heart and prayers go out to them.

It made me take a step back. Work, however important, needs to be prioritized properly. You never know what the next day (or moment) brings. So hug your children, your spouse, your parents, cherish your friends. Take mental snapshots of every joyous, funny, heartbreaking moment of life. And don't take anything for granted. It is fleeting. (Sometimes way too fleeting.) Don't forget that. I'm going to work harder not to.

4 comments:

Alexandra Doudian said...

What a wonderful sentiment. This is also a good reminder for those days you're hardly working because you're busy playing with you little one ... it's definitely not a day wasted!

Diana said...

Hugs to you.

Anonymous said...

To be able to quiet the mind...how difficult that is, especially at 3 a.m.! (How well I know!)...But, yes, the "now"...a precious thing of inestimable value. Such wisdom you write! Sending hugs to you too,
GMA

Marcela Beatty said...

I have been keeping up with the Spohrs for a while now. Maddie... what an amazing girl! I love her smile!

I agree! Sometimes you have to forget all the things that are not done and just focus on your family.

God bless those families.